Interview with a Yup'ik Male who is HIV Positive

How long have you been living with the disease?

I tested positive July 2003. It seems like a long time ago.

What was your understanding of HIV or AIDS before or when you found out your status?

It was ironic that I tested positive because I knew about the risks and over the last several years, I have been involved with prevention efforts for Natives, working to prevent this disease from further spreading in our own Native communities. Some of my closest friends were HIV positive and I had tried to be as emotionally supportive of them. My best friend who I love dearly had kept his status from me for almost a year. Now I understood why he kept it from me because I am walking in his shoes now.

What are some of the things that came to your mind when you were told that you had tested positive to HIV?

The very first thing that came to my mind was "how is my family going to take this?" Then, the feeling of shame and guilt set in as well. I was ashamed of acquiring this disease because I have been working in this field for so long. I was also thinking that I would bring shame to my family. I felt guilty because I knew about the risks when you have sex with someone who may be HIV positive. The thought of death briefly came to my mind as well.

What are some of the things that have helped you cope or address some of your fears, or understanding of the disease, and learning to live with HIV?

Compared to most people, I was educated more so than the average person but I truly began to explore my options and educated myself more of what was available for me. I cried a lot in the first few months, especially at night. I also prayed more so, asking for strength and help in learning to live with this disease. Once I started seeing a provider, I began asking questions, a lot of questions. Disclosing to others is very much limited but I am sure that there are others who are suspicious of my status. None of my immediate or extended family knows about my status. I am not sure if I ever will have the courage to disclose my status to them, I do not want them to worry unnecessarily.

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