Learning to Live With It

   - Yup'ik Male, 38 years old

Learning to live with it takes time
Time that seem easier at times
While moments of uncertainty comes
Creates regrets, shame, frustration
Wishing this bad dream could end
But it's in me and I should learn to live with it

I knew about the risks
Risks that may not seem real
Because I practiced what I urged to others
But all it took was one time
One time of a condom breaking
It got in me, I need to learn to live with it

I saw what happened to my friends who had it
I even lost some of them
Now I know how they felt in the beginning
Before the end drew near
They saw others too
But we were on the other side like looking into a glass
It got in me, just like my long gone friends
Did they learn to live with it?

I have yet to tell my sisters, brothers, and parents
I wish not to come to that stage, just yet
There are some people whose families know
How brave of them to be able to share
The burden is sometimes heavy
It seems easier to tell a few friends
Only a few close friends know
Some have even witnessed the anguish
Have they learned to live with it so close?

What if that moment will never come to me?
The moment of truth, the moment when I don't hide
Don't want to keep it to myself but
It feels somewhat confined and safe
This I will live with for a while
This is something that I have learned to live with
A burdensome secret I have learned to live with
A choice some people take